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Two Heads Are Not Better
“I can’t believe this. My direct reports scored me really high. My supervisors scored me low. This is confusing. I don’t understand.”
I run into various flavors of this two-headed Type A monster all the time when debriefing the results of the Tilt360 Leadership Predictor. Sometimes the direct reports score the person low while the supervisors score the person high. Other times, I see just the opposite.
Either way, it’s not good. The last thing you want is to be perceived as a two headed, Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde leader.
So what causes this bizarre difference in perceptions? It usually stems from one of three things.
1. One group is looking at you and your actions through rose colored glasses and scoring you artificially high. Think of this like a favored son, favored daughter or beloved leader. No matter what you do, it’s perceived as good. This dynamic is more likely to occur when you and the person scoring you share a common bond such as the same viewpoint, leadership style or personality type. The danger in this type of situation is that overlooked gaps in your performance can cause train wrecks.
2. One group has much higher expectations for you than you realize. It’s difficult to jump over the bar if you can’t see it. Sadly, some supervisors will intentionally hide their expectations to ‘test’ you. Very bad practice, but not uncommon. The danger here is that poor communication wastes resources, hampers productivity and destroys trust.
3. You are behaving differently with each group. In my experience, this is the most common reason for widely differing perceptions. Sometimes you may be consciously showing up differently, such as when you knowingly play up to your boss to curry favor or when you band together with your direct reports to wage war against upper management. Other times, you are unconsciously showing up differently with each group. For example, maybe you are relaxed and upbeat with your direct reports while feeling on guard, defensive or uptight with your supervisors.
When you suffer from the two headed leader syndrome, it causes confusion, diminishes your credibility and prevents you from being fully effective with everyone you work with.
If this is happening to you, drill down and get to the root cause.
Not sure if this is happening to you? The quickest way to find out is to do a Tilt360 Leadership Predictor. Email me at kay@kaycannon.com and I’ll tell you all about it.
When it comes to your leadership character, two heads are not better than one.
Gagging Down Oreo Cookies
“I use the oreo cookie method.”
The manager’s confident words raked across my eardrums like fingernails across a blackboard.
Now I understood why his direct report didn’t trust him.
This HR holy grail is needlessly destroying millions of boss-employee relationships.
Are you using the oreo cookie method to deliver employee criticism? Take a look at these 3 steps and see.
1. Say something nice to your employee. “Ralph, you are one of our most valued employees…”
2. Insert your criticism. “but you need to increase your productivity by 45 widgets a day over the next week or I’ll have to cut your pay.”
3. Slap on some hope and confidence and send them on their way. “I know you’re capable of producing 175 widgets each day and I’m confident you’ll do it.”
You can almost see the manager leaning back in his chair surrounded by a halo of self-satisfaction and checking that performance conversation off his To Do List. “Got that done!”
Gag me.
Don’t swallow the oreo cookie crap. You’re Type A employees don’t.
Here’s the deal.
The oreo cookie method is the manager’s version of ‘wham, bam, thank you, ma’am.” You could also think of it as… “Kiss. Slap. Kiss”.
If you are on the receiving end of that combo, what are you going to remember? You got it…the slap. What’s going to happen the next time your boss tries to kiss you? You’re going to duck and run.
Watch one episode of Super Nanny and you’ll see the danger of sending such mixed messages. If you need to have a performance improvement conversation, start with the area that needs to be improved. Don’t put lipstick on a pig.
The oreo cookie method conditions your employees to distrust your compliments and your expressions of confidence and hope. Pretty soon they don’t hear your sincere compliments and expressions of appreciation and confidence. They become tone deaf because you’ve shoved too many oreo cookies down their throat.
What Most Type A Leaders Forget to Do
What are you forgetting to do in the hullabaloo of deadlines, distractions and demands that has the power to sink your ship?
You give direction.
You give feedback.
You ask for opinions.
You problem-solve.
You make big decisions.
You strategize.
What’s missing?
More than likely it’s asking for commitment.
Here’s the deal. Too often we skip right over that step and just assume because directions are clear and intentions appear good, that commitment will follow along like a good puppy. That’s dangerous.
Take the extra step and ask for the person’s commitment. Asking turns your assumption into an employee action. It’s like putting a diamond ring around employee engagement. It removes all doubt.
Barking for Trouble
“I corrected the mistake for her and told her I expected it would not happen again.”
The triumphant Type A manager leaned back in her chair and licked her lips like a satisfied lioness savoring the fresh blood after the kill.
“Did you ask for the employee’s commitment that she would not make that mistake again?” I gently poked the proud lioness.
The snarling roar lashed back at me loud and quick. “No! I told you I told her I expected it wouldn’t happen again.”
I decided to prod the beast with a bigger stick. “Did you ask the employee what – specifically – she was going to do differently in the future to prevent the mistake from occurring again?”
“Well… No. Why would I waste my time asking that question?! I told her I expected it wouldn’t happen again! She knows I was angry.” The queen of the jungle barked at my question with impatient irritation.
I needed to get her attention. Time to tap her on the head with a telephone pole.
“What have you done – specifically – to help this employee identify what went wrong, learn from the mistake and craft a more effective approach in the future so both of you are sure the mistake won’t happen again?”
The snarling face melted into silent puzzlement.
The big cat finally spoke in a tiny, sheepish voice. “I guess I haven’t done anything.”
Here’s the deal. When things go haywire, don’t fall into the Type A trap of barking orders. Instead, shift into neutral and ask powerful questions that uncover problems, find solutions, create accountability, align goals, engage people, empower individuals and affirm relationships.
I’ll get you jump started. Put these questions in your Type A toolbox.
What factors do you believe led to this problem?
What role do you feel you played in creating this situation?
What would you do differently in the future to prevent this situation from occurring again?
Do I have your personal commitment that you will do these things?
What can I do to help you be successful in the future?
Don’t bark. Ask.
Watch Your Words
Here’s a little secret I want to share with you.
When you feel stuck in a situation, a quick way to get unstuck and grab some traction is to do a little switcheroo with the words you’ve been using to describe the situation.
Let me show you how this works.
If you and a co-worker are locking horns every time you turn around over various ‘issues’, don’t try to resolve your ‘issues’.
The word ‘issue’ has become emotionally charged and associated with fighting. As soon as both of you hear the word ‘issue’, your brains go into ninja warrior mode. It’s harder for both of you to be open minded, creative and collaborative. Fat chance you’re going to see things in a new way if you’re still lugging around ‘issues’.
Ditch ‘issues’ and substitute a new, fresh word in its place. For example, you could use question, topic, subject, event, puzzle or a host of other ways to describe the situation. Get out your thesaurus (or go to www.thesaurus.com) and look for cool alternatives to the word ‘issue’. Trading in worn out words is like buying a new pair of shoes. It puts a little pizzazz in your step.
Here’s another example.
If ‘doing a presentation’ turns you into a quivering puddle of nerves, banish the phrase ‘doing a presentation’ from your speech AND your thoughts. Instead, plug in something like ‘engaging in a chat’ or ‘sharing a few thoughts’.
As simple as this sounds, this technique really does work.
Here’s one last example for you.
For years ‘I wanted to lose weight’ without much real success. Then – out of typical Type A frustration – I finally decided, “To hell with losing weight! I just want to be healthy and happy.” With my focus on being healthy and happy, I’ve lost 14 pounds without feeling like I’m making sacrifices or starving myself.
Who knew that all I needed to do to lose weight was lose the word ‘weight’?
Here’s the deal. Your speech, your thoughts and your emotions are all interwoven.
Remember when Mom told you to watch what you say? Well, as it turns out, she was on to something!
What words are holding your brain hostage?
Tweak a few words. Make a quantum leap.
Don’t Take the Bait
There it is. Dangling in front of your nose like a scrumptious morsel of self-indulgence. Taunting you with its seductive aroma.
Revenge.
Righteous indignation.
Blistering anger.
Backstabbing retaliation.
Intimidation.
Sarcasm.
Criticism.
Arrogance.
Cold indifference.
Passive aggressive sabotage.
What’s your poison of choice when someone pushes your hot buttons?
Make no mistake. Nothing makes a smart and talented Type A superstar look like a donkey’s backside quicker than swallowing the bait, hook, line and sinker like a clueless schmuck.
Here’s a secret.
Some very crafty Type A’s know how to push your buttons on purpose. Yep. The sneaky devils intentionally attempt to sabotage you by plucking your feathers. They’ve figured out that if they can get you all steamed, frazzled and parading your patootie, they’ve got the upper hand. They’ve got power over you.
Lose your Type A cool and you’ve lost the Type A game.
Make no mistake. When someone pushes your hot buttons, you’ve got a choice in how you respond. You can go to the dark side or you can stay calm, cool and collected.
Who’s pushing your buttons like cotton candy at the county fair?
Wake up and smell the bait.
When Perfect Goes Bad
Type A’s are notorious for setting a high bar and then pushing themselves and everyone else over the edge. This is especially true for Type A’s who have been bitten by the perfect bug.
Have you been bitten by the perfect bug? Check out these 10 signs and symptoms.
1. You believe it’s important to strive for perfection.
2. You set unrealistic expectations for yourself and everyone else.
3. You let small mistakes or glitches overshadow big accomplishments or wins.
4. You see the problems before you see the positives.
5. You are rarely satisfied.
6. You are quick to criticize.
7. “It’s good enough” makes you cringe.
8. You invest a lot of time tweaking projects for tiny bits of improvement.
9. You would rather not do anything than do it halfway.
10. You put a lot of pressure on yourself to be your best.
Here’s the brutal truth. Perfect is impossible.
Lighten up. Loosen up. Liven up.
Check the Label
Frustrated that a direct report is not performing up to par? Exhausted trying to get your message across? Wondering why in the Blue Sky Vodka she doesn’t get on board?
Before you blow a gasket and end up in a casket, do a quick label check.
What label are you wearing when you talk to her? Colleague? Mother? Friend? Mentor? Boss? Vendor?
What label best fits the relationship?
Here’s the deal. It’s real easy to muddle your message when you wear the wrong label. The more labels you try to wear, the more confusing it becomes for you and everyone else.
If your most important relationship is as her boss, then be her boss. If your most important relationship is as her mentor, then be her mentor. If your most important relationship is as her friend, then be her friend.
Type A’s often want to be everything to everybody. It doesn’t work.
If you try to be her mother, her friend, her mentor and her boss, your message is going to be a grab bag of Type A crap. She’s going to be confused and you’re going to be clinging to sanity by your fingernails.
Take a deep breath. Check the label. Create the message.
10 Type A Positive Attitude Traps
No one argues louder or longer than a Type A who is positive she is right. I’ve been asked to clean up more Type A train wrecks caused by Type A positive attitudes than I can count.
Do the sniff test on your attitudes.
Are you stuck in these Type A positive attitude traps?
1. I am positive that the rules should be followed to a tee.
2. I am positive that he is out to get to me.
3. I am positive that a hands off approach is warranted.
4. I am positive that she knows how much I appreciate her work.
5. I am positive that I made my expectations explicitly clear.
6. I am positive that he would tell me if there was a problem.
7. I am positive that they have a hidden agenda.
8. I am positive that she knows how much is on my plate.
9. I am positive that I heard everything he had to say.
10. I am positive that it’s easier to just do it myself rather than delegate it.
Here’s a bonus:
11. I am positive that he doesn’t know what he’s doing.
What are you positive about?
Responsibility – Authority = Train Wreck
A reader writes:
“The train wreck analogy is an accurate description of my reality. As a supervisor, I am squarely in the midst of \”do more with less.\” Any suggestions on dealing with situations for which you are responsible but feel you have little authority to change?”
I have to rant. One the stupidest things a manager can do is hold someone responsible without giving that person the authority to get the job done… especially if the employee happens to be a highly driven, conscientious Type A individual who wants to be successful. Responsibility without authority destroys motivation, creates unhappy employees and makes accountability a joke. IT’S STUPID!!!! If you’re doing it, wake up and stop it.
OK, I feel better.
Want to see the seven game changing suggestions I gave this reader? Check out next Tuesday’s Lightning Bytes newsletter. Not a subscriber? You’re missing out, kiddo. Click here to get my Lightning Bytes delivered to your inbox.
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It’s time to wake up and smell the truth. Like gas guzzling relics, traditional Type A’s are becoming passé. In the good ole’ days, with their steely-eyed focus and turbo-charged tactics, Type A’s could dominate the game by slicing, dicing and sacrificing. That pricey party is over. Award-winning executive coach Kay Cannon offers a funny insider’s look into the secret world of top performing Type A individuals and redefines how these talented and smart superstars can get great results without collateral damage.