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Escape from the Night of the Living Dead

Back-stabbing attack. Blistering counter-attack.
For two years, they had been trapped in the Night of the Living Dead like two blood thirsty Type A zombies clawing at each other’s throats. Now, with the simple stroke of a Cheesecake Factory lunch, a truce had been called and a new alliance created.
The blood bath was history.
My client was glowing with satisfaction as she relayed each delicious detail of the two-hour meeting with her colleague and former arch-nemesis.
“I was dreading this meeting. Normally, I can’t stand being in the same room with Louise. But what really surprised me was how easy this meeting was. I wish I had done it sooner!”
The week before she and I had mapped out an unbeatable strategy for winning the war that was destroying her productivity, her peace of mind and her professional credibility.
What was this unbeatable strategy?
Simply put, I showed her how to conquer her invisible Type A brain critters and take real control. This simple shift was the difference between being a Type A zombie and a masterful diplomat.
Before you write me off as one coconut shy of a pina colada, let me explain what this means to you.
Believe it or not, you may think you’re in control, but you’re not.
Here’s the deal.
Your brain is designed to work without you. In other words, the overwhelming majority of your thought processes are unconscious. That means you make decisions, take actions and rev up feelings without really thinking about it. Your unconscious mindsets – aka invisible brain critters – are behind your steering wheel.
These invisible brain critters are calling your shots and you’re just along for the ride like a walking, talking Type A zombie.
Don’t believe me? Consider how many times you’ve driven to work only to discover you can’t remember making the trip. That’s because the invisible brain critters drove you to work.
Pay special attention to this next point. This how the invisible brain critters turn smart and talented Type A’s into robotic zombies.
When your Type A invisible brain critters are calling the shots, you don’t realize you need to course correct until it’s too late. You can’t fix what you can’t see.
Friction builds up, problems mount and judgment becomes clouded. All the while, your Type A invisible brain critters just keep steering you in the wrong direction.
Then one day everything goes to the dark side. You wake up and find yourself trapped in the Night of the Living Dead. You’re zombified.
You’re frustrated, exhausted, over-committed and stressed out. And you don’t have any idea how you got there because you can’t see the invisible Type A brain critters holding you hostage. It’s the Type A nightmare.
If you’re zombified, you’re not alone.
There is a humongous crowd of smart and talented Type A’s trapped in the Night of the Living Dead. Like zombies, they wander around unconsciously doing the same thing over and over again hoping for a better outcome, but they still find themselves feeling frustrated, exhausted, over-committed and stressed out.
Are you trapped in the Night of the Living Dead? Are the invisible brain critters calling your shots?
Don’t despair. Just like my client, you, too, can escape from the Night of the Living Dead. Kick those Type A invisible brain critters to the curb once and for all.
Grab your spot in my It’s All About You: A Teleseminar Series for Turbocharged Type A’s.
In this ten session series, I’ll expose the invisible brain critters that derail smart and talented Type A’s and give you the secret tools you need to kick those brain critters to the curb, take control and be your Type A best.
P.S. Don’t drag your heels. For a very limited time, you can get a discounted deal for all ten sessions.
P.S.S. Be warned. If you like walking in circles with a glazed look on your face, this is NOT the place for you. This teleseminar is only for those Type A’s who are serious about escaping from the Night of the Living Dead.
Ready to escape from the Night of the Living Dead?
I can just hear your amazed exultation now… “I wish I had done this sooner!”
Don’t Take the Bait
There it is. Dangling in front of your nose like a scrumptious morsel of self-indulgence. Taunting you with its seductive aroma.
Revenge.
Righteous indignation.
Blistering anger.
Backstabbing retaliation.
Intimidation.
Sarcasm.
Criticism.
Arrogance.
Cold indifference.
Passive aggressive sabotage.
What’s your poison of choice when someone pushes your hot buttons?
Make no mistake. Nothing makes a smart and talented Type A superstar look like a donkey’s backside quicker than swallowing the bait, hook, line and sinker like a clueless schmuck.
Here’s a secret.
Some very crafty Type A’s know how to push your buttons on purpose. Yep. The sneaky devils intentionally attempt to sabotage you by plucking your feathers. They’ve figured out that if they can get you all steamed, frazzled and parading your patootie, they’ve got the upper hand. They’ve got power over you.
Lose your Type A cool and you’ve lost the Type A game.
Make no mistake. When someone pushes your hot buttons, you’ve got a choice in how you respond. You can go to the dark side or you can stay calm, cool and collected.
Who’s pushing your buttons like cotton candy at the county fair?
Wake up and smell the bait.
Sidestep the Landmine
Ever step in a big pile of dog poop?
If so, then you know that “What just happened?!” feeling is quickly followed by a voice screaming in your head, “Why didn’t you watch where you were stepping!!??”
The same thing happens at work when you unwittingly stumble upon a political landmine. A nasty “What just happened?!” stench fills the air while the voice in your head screams, “why didn’t you see that coming?!”.
Here’s the deal about Type A’s and political landmines.
We rarely see the political landmine until we step right smack dab on the detonator. With our whatever-it-takes, full-speed-ahead persona, we are so focused on the end goal that we often innocently overlook the booby traps. We don’t realize there is a problem up ahead until it all blows up in our face.
With a little strategic thinking you can easily sidestep political landmines while still accomplishing what needs to get done.
6 Landmines Type A’s Most Often Overlook
When hiking through these badlands, watch where you step!
1. Decisions that may be perceived as undermining someone’s formal status, particularly related to pay, title and authority. Example: If you hire a new employee at a salary significantly higher than other comparable employees, you’d better have an advance plan to sidestep the landmine. And, yes, eventually the salary differential will leak out.
2. Decisions that may be perceived as negatively impacting someone’s workspace, such as the size of their office, the location of their office, the quality of their chair, whether or not the office has windows, etc. Some of the bloodiest workplace battles I’ve witnessed have been caused by arguing over who gets the window or who is allowed to adjust the thermostat. Example: Giving the new hire the empty cubicle which also happens to be the only one with a window.
3. Decisions that may be perceived as negatively impacting someone’s time off. Example: Scheduling a mandatory meeting during someone’s time off and demanding she come in to work or scheduling the same person to work Christmas Eve and New Year’s Eve.
4. Decisions that decrease administrative support. No one has enough time to get everything done. If people on your team are lucky enough to have some admin support, they will fight a wicked battle to keep whatever they have. Example: Cutting admin support for a well functioning project team and giving it to another project team which is struggling to meet a deadline.
5. Actions that may be perceived as undermining key relationships. Example: Asking your most trusted account executive to ‘check’ on a key client account that is the responsibility of another account executive.
6. Comments, decisions or actions that may be perceived as casting a shadow over someone’s personal integrity. Example: Demanding an explanation for someone’s actions in such a way that it insinuates the person is up to no good, is stupid or is incompetent.
It’s a lot easier to strategically step over the poop than scrap it off your credibility.
What landmines did I leave off the list? Share your watch list!
Unraveling Type A Guilt Gone Awry
Right now I could use a blog from you about how a Type A really needs to be sick when she’s sick. I’m proud of myself for NOT going to the conference this week because I’ve been so sick, but I’m feeling so guilty about letting down the conference since I was supposed to be a speaker.
I made the choice NOT to infect all those other people and to stay home and take care of myself. Now I feel guilty about the choice (even though I know it was the right one) and that I’ve let down conference planners and attendees. I feel so guilty about not going that I’m working at home so much that I’m not resting enough to get well.
Dear Stuck at Home with a Bad Case of Guilty Flu,
Good news! You are suffering from a common Type A ailment which is easily cured – guilt gone awry. But before I give you the magic potion, a quicky course in Guilt 101 is needed.
Imagine you are in charge of a daycare. Hair is being pulled. Toys are being stolen. Eyes are being gouged. There is shrieking and bedlam in every which way. Desperate to get control over the chaos, you zero in on one of the troublemakers and let fly, “Sally, good little girls don’t behave like this! We do NOT pull hair! How would you like it if Suzy pulled your hair? Sally, you should feel bad that you hurt Suzy. Now apologize and make up!”
Shamed into submission, little Sally slinks away wrapped in a blanket of guilt. You just played the game of guilt to put the kibosh on Sally’s wicked hair pulling. Guilt is a tool used to control behaviors deemed to be undesirable. We use it on ourselves, our kids, our spouses, our co-workers and we even try to use it on our dogs. Cats not so much for reasons any cat owner can understand.
As you grow up, authority figures program you to play by the rules so you get along with others. These rules are expectations for good behavior. Your family, teachers, church and culture all chip in to program you to be their version of a good little person. In your note, I noticed you’ve been programmed to believe:
“Good girls keep their promises.”
“Good girls don’t sneeze and cough on others.”
“Good girls do their work.”
Sound familiar? We all have hundreds and hundreds of these rules programmed into us. They are so deeply ingrained in us that they become unconscious mindsets which we use to navigate through life on autopilot. It’s these unconscious mindsets that often lead to Type A collateral damage including guilt gone awry.
At an early age, when you break these rules, you are taught to feel badly – or guilty. Over time, guilt can become conditioned to be an automatic reaction. Guilt can be used to motivate or punish. You can use it on yourself or on others.
“I don’t want to feel guilty so I’ll have a carrot instead of that raspberry jelly donut.”
“You shouldn’t take a vacation day when we are so slammed at work! That was really inconsiderate.”
Guilt also assumes you have complete control over your behavior and the situation surrounding it. For instance, daycare Sally had complete control of her hair-pulling. On the other hand, you, dear reader, do not have complete control of your situation so you’re suffering from the common malady of guilt gone awry.
You only control your decisions to stay home and to overwork even when horribly sick. That you have a nasty case of the flu at the precise time of the conference is out of your control. You can’t help it that you have the flu and are physically unable to attend the conference. So, by definition, your situation doesn’t qualify for guilt.
So why are you feeling guilty and working so hard at home that you’re not recovering? Let me break this down for you by dialing back into your childhood programming. These are the coordinates that you are automatically using to navigate through this situation.
“Good girls keep their promises.”
“Good girls don’t sneeze and cough on others.”
“Good girls do their work.”
Notice, in this particular situation, it’s not possible to obey all of your old programming. If you want to be a good girl and not sneeze or cough on others, you’ll have to break a promise and not go to the conference. Uh-oh. There’s an irresolvable conflict between your old programming and your current reality. So how does your unconscious, conditioned brain resolve this dilemma?
It automatically flips the guilty switch to punish you for breaking a rule (“Good girls keep their promises.”) and, at the same time, it decides you need to make amends for being a bad girl by overdoing a rule which you can keep (“Good girls do their work.”). So now you find yourself feeling guilty about breaking a promise and working so hard at home that you can’t recover from the flu… all because you unconsciously want to be seen as a good girl again. (And then you beat yourself up for not resting. Yada Yada Yada. The guilt cycle continues and collateral damage accummulates.)
What’s the magic potion that breaks this cycle? Taking control away from your autopilot brain and telling yourself the truth. In spite of what your Type A brain might want to believe, you do not have control over the flu. The wise thing to do is prevent the spread of disease and rest so you can return to work as quickly as possible and at full speed. You haven’t been a bad girl that needs to make up for being sick by punishing yourself with guilt gone awry and excessive working while ill.
Why are Type A’s so susceptible to guilt gone awry? I’ll tackle that topic in the next blog post.
A big thanks to the reader who posed the question. I love it when you talk to me. Opinions. Arguments. Headaches. Requests. Bring ‘em on! Tell me what you think.
Risk Factor 2: Normalization of Deviance
Let’s continue our look at the seven invisible risk factors of top performer collateral damage.
Risk Factor 2: Normalization of deviance turns unacceptable behaviors into acceptable behaviors.
When it comes to top performer collateral damage, nothing is more of a ticking time bomb than normalization of deviance. But, I’m getting ahead of myself. Let me back up and tell you a story.
In 1986 the world watched in horror as the space shuttle Challenger exploded 73 seconds after lift-off killing all seven astronauts on board. An extensive investigation revealed the explosion was caused by defective O-rings, the risk of which was well known by NASA leaders prior to the Challenger catastrophe.
Why did the NASA leadership launch the space shuttle when they knew there was the very real risk of O-ring failure?
Once again, an autopsy revealed the sad truth.
In the book, The Challenger Launch Decision: Risky Technology, Culture and Deviance at NASA, sociologist Diane Vaughan dug into what led to the Challenger disaster and why the well-documented risks of O-ring failure had been ignored by NASA management.
Dr. Vaughan’s findings were startling.
What had originally been considered an unacceptable event – in this case, O-ring failure – had occurred so often over prior launches that it had become an expected event and, finally, an accepted event. O-ring failure during launch had gone from being an unacceptable event to an acceptable event. Vaughan called this phenomenon normalization of deviance.
Simply put, normalization of deviance is present when events that were initially considered to be unacceptable occur so often that – over time – they come to be expected and then accepted as normal. An event or behavior that is originally considered unacceptable now becomes accepted as normal.
Normalization of deviance runs rampant within today’s work world and provides a fertile ground for top performer collateral damage.
Don’t believe me?
Let me give you just one example of how normalization of deviance shows up in our work lives.
Twenty years ago, the 8-hour work day and the 40-hour workweek were considered to be ‘normal’. Today, technology, 24/7 global marketplaces and competitive pressures have all blurred the boundaries of work. A ‘normal’ workday now often stretches into evenings and weekends.
Consider this. A 2006 Korn/Ferry International survey of more than 1000 executives revealed that four out of five executives say they are constantly connected to work through laptops or handheld communication devices.
Being constantly connected to work would have been considered unacceptable in the past, but has now become so common that it is expected and accepted as normal. In fact, it’s recognized as one of the major changes that occurred in the past decade.
Just let this sink in for a minute. Normalization of deviance has made 24/7 work an accepted part of today’s workplace. Work interrupts our vacations, family dinners and sleep. And… we accept this as normal!
So… how does normalization of deviance increase the risk of top performer collateral damage?”
In two ways.
First, normalization of deviance desensitizes us to behaviors that cause collateral damage.
Behaviors that would normally stick out like a sore thumb fade from view as they become so commonplace that they are considered ‘normal’. Let me show you how this works.
The first time a top performer creates collateral damage it may stand out as an odd or bizarre event because it is unexpected and unaccepted. Conversations around the water cooler may sound a little like this…
“Wow! Did you see how George bulldozed over Jack in that meeting? It was brutal the way he shut down the discussion… but you can’t argue with the great results he got.”
Over time, as George continues to bulldoze over his colleagues, people around him are no longer surprised. They come to expect George to create the collateral damage along with his spectacular results.
Bulldozing through people – and the collateral damage it creates – is accepted as normal behavior for George. It disappears as a risk factor until the tsunami hits.
But, wait. There’s more.
Junior associates all over the organization now consider bulldozing to be an acceptable – even desirable – behavior. The resulting collateral damage doesn’t even register a blip on their internal Richter scales. Yikes!
The seeds of top performer collateral damage are now scattering throughout the organization like dandelion fluffs. Before you know it, you’ll have teams full of battling bulldozers.
As bad as this is, it’s not the only way normalization of deviance increases the odds of a collateral damage catastrophe. Keep reading.
The second way normalization of deviance encourages and disguises top performer collateral damage involves… drum roll, please…supervisor bias.
Let’s be honest.
We have a tendency to encourage and reward behaviors that are similar to our own behaviors and that includes our own flavor of collateral damage.
Skeptical? Ponder this.
When you are surrounded by people who sound just like you, you don’t notice their accent. They sound ‘normal’ to you. Your ears are biased to hear accents like your own accent as ‘normal’.
The same thing happens with collateral damage.
If your top performers are creating the same kind of collateral damage that you create, it’s highly unlikely you will see it. To you, the collateral damage creating behavior appears ‘normal’.
Want to see how this works? Let’s use our old friend, George the Bulldozer, and his direct report, Phyllis.
As we just saw, George takes great pride in his ability to bulldoze dissenting opinions. In fact, George is convinced bulldozing is THE way to cut through the crap and get things done. Under his tutelage, Phyllis is perfecting the art of plowing through people, too. Phyllis is a baby bulldozer.
So… what are the chances that George is going to catch the collateral damage Phyllis is creating when she plows through people?
Slim, nill and none.
George has a bulldozer ‘accent’. He has a bias in favor of bulldozing. Consequently, George sees Phyllis’ bulldozing behavior as “normal”.
The odds of Phyllis creating collateral damage are high and George doesn’t even notice.
Supervisor bias is as common as cubicles and coffee.
What this all boils down to is this. You rarely see a top performer’s collateral damage if you are also creating the same type of collateral damage. It takes a train wreck to get your attention.
What type of collateral damage are you accepting as normal?
The Two Types of Collateral Damage
The first step in recognizing the warning signs of Type A collateral damage is knowing there are two kinds: internal collateral damage and external collateral damage.
Internal collateral damage occurs inside you. It includes anxiety, impatience and frustration to name just a few examples.
The other side of the collateral damage coin is external collateral damage.
External collateral damage is created by you but the impact occurs outside of you. Want an example? Bad bosses create external collateral damage like struggling teams, tumbling stock prices and unhappy shareholders.
Here’s a secret.
Collateral damage is a vicious cycle.
Internal collateral damage creates external collateral damage which then cranks up the internal collateral damage.
You Can’t Coach Effort.
Last night the University of Kentucky women’s basketball team beat perennial powerhouse, Tennesse. For Kentucky it was only the seventh win ever over the Lady Vols.
After the game, Pat Summitt, Tennessee’s coach and all-time winningest Division 1 basketball coach was quoted in the Lexington Herald-Leader.
“In 35 years coaching, this probably has been the least energy of any team I’ve coached,” Summitt said. “I’m not good at coaching effort. It was a total lack of passion. I don’t know that you can teach that to a player.”
Coach Summitt hit the nail on the head. You can coach, teach, inspire, motivate, strategize, challenge and bend over backwards but it’s all wasted energy if your team – whether it’s in sports or business – doesn’t put forth effort… if they don’t have a fire burning in their belly.
Same holds true at work. If you’ve got an employee that simply doesn’t seem to care about anything or doesn’t seem to want to put forth effort, why keep them? Especially in today’s deep pool of top notch talent looking for a job.
There’s never been a better time to get rid of the deadwood.
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It’s time to wake up and smell the truth. Like gas guzzling relics, traditional Type A’s are becoming passé. In the good ole’ days, with their steely-eyed focus and turbo-charged tactics, Type A’s could dominate the game by slicing, dicing and sacrificing. That pricey party is over. Award-winning executive coach Kay Cannon offers a funny insider’s look into the secret world of top performing Type A individuals and redefines how these talented and smart superstars can get great results without collateral damage.